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It is quite usual for parents of tweens to get crazy and loose their control if they misbehave and step in line. Do you often find yourself reacting to your tweens’ behavior by reflex? if the answer is yes then we are sailing in same boat.
But is this the effective way to parent a tween ? A parent must set boundaries and teach them their responsibility and how to behave. But losing temper and behaving badly to the kids does not solve any problem but instead, worsens them. Parents should set an example by staying calm in situations that do not go their way.
To help myself through the craziness of the tween year, I often start repeat these mantras to myself over and over again: “I should not take it personally” and “ i should not get emotionally involved”.
Below are some of the ways to learn the art of Zen parenting
It isn’t about you :
When kids act out, parents tend to take this behaviour as a personal attack on them. This is not the case as the kids are just kids and they act in such a way because they don’t know how to handle situations and they may be undergoing a problem themselves. Parents should try to understand their children, help them, and minus themselves for the equation.
Don’t be a dictator, be a guide instead
If the parents keep imposing their rules and controlling their actions, tween will never grow on themselves and decide for themselves. Kids should be allowed to grow on their own within boundaries set by their parents. And, of course, parents should always be there to guide them to the right path.
Focusing on the tween’s needs
No one enjoys being yelled at and threatened by someone bigger and more powerful than them. Parents should try to look through their child’s perspectives to solve their issues and try a calmer approach when talking to the kids. All a child needs is some comfort, compassion, and empathy.
Parents should avoid talking to their kids when angry and should instead walk away. Once calmed down then approach the kids as this allows the parents to understand the kids much better. Being upset and acting irrational complicate the situation more.
Step back if you still haven’t lost your cool
Once you realise that your anger is whelming inside you then walk away and take a deep breath. Give yourself compassion for this frustration and remind yourself that it is completely ok to feel this way. Once you have overcome your anger try seeing that your child may be suffering the same way.
Committing to being mindful with them
One can do that by charging a dollar every time the parent gets angry. With this money, tweens can get treats, and in this way kids cheer up and parents can reflect on their actions.
Know that you will mess up
Parents should learn from their difficulties and reflect upon where they went wrong instead of feeling bad. See this as a good step towards being more mindful and compassionate as a parent. This will help the parent to handle the future situation calmly instead of doing it angrily.
Parents have an ideal image for their kids and if the kids fail to complete this image it makes the parents frustrated and angry. Parents should realize that just like the kids are also not perfect. They too can have faults and make mistakes. Parents should help guide them and sort things out with hugs and compliments instead of yelling and punishing them severely.Hope you learn the art of Zen parenting.
I’m participating in #BlogchatterA2Z
Do read my previous article in these series of : “Parenting TweenS”
12 Replies to “Raising Tweens and art of Zen parenting”
Tweenage is a tricky age. And parents have to very careful while dealing with them, lowering down our expectations and giving them proper guidance is what we can do.
A friend of mine has a tween daughter and she’s going through a really tough phase. Whenever she calls me she keeps on complaining about the stuff that’s going on with her daughter. She says her daughter has changed completely and she finds it too difficult to keep her cool. Unfortunately, I am of no use to her as I lack the experience so I just offer to listen to her and let her vent out. I will share your post with her, this will really help her understand how to go about it.
being a mom of tween I know the things that parents face during this phase. but I believe making an open communication and being a guide can help a lot to overcome the challenges. you have shared great tips in this post.
I really thank God that I didnt have millennial kids. In our time teenagers did have their issues but they were not led astray by the net or social media
But generally, parents should be very level headed while dealing with them. Anger only leads to rebellion.
This blog has explained it so well, taking care and handling teens require different level of expertise and patience for sure.
I agree with all the pointers but all these tips are to be followed at any age. Parents need to be empathetic and a good listener. And need to understand that this is a phase And Needs to be tackle with lot of patience.
Parents act weird when they loose control and this makes the situation worse. Being patient and understanding the situation helps both parents and children. Your pointers are perfect guide to be read by all parents.
I agree with you and Swati above. This needs to be implemented at all ages. And i do it since they were tiny. So I’m a zen parent looks like. I never knew this word though.
True, parenting tweens can be challenging as they are in between children and teenagers. They develop a stronger sense of right and wrong. So they need to be handled, guided and counselled with case, wisdom and patience…. as a parent you truly need to be in the Zen state 🙂
Your tips make a lot of sense buddy, I can vouch for them, though there can be no set rules for parenting some guiding principles help
Thats a perfectly penned article. You definitely researched it well and shared its in easily understandable way. You tips make a lot of sense. Its really very helpful
After COVID my parenting style is controlled by my kids. I have heard about Zen parenting a lot but never really tried to go deep into it. After reading your post, I want to learn more and more.