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It is quite usual for parents of tweens to get crazy and loose their control if they misbehave and step in line. Do you often find yourself reacting to your tweens’ behavior by reflex? if the answer is yes then we are sailing in same boat.
But is this the effective way to parent a tween ? A parent must set boundaries and teach them their responsibility and how to behave. But losing temper and behaving badly to the kids does not solve any problem but instead, worsens them. Parents should set an example by staying calm in situations that do not go their way.
To help myself through the craziness of the tween year, I often start repeat these mantras to myself over and over again: “I should not take it personally” and “ i should not get emotionally involved”.
Below are some of the ways to learn the art of Zen parenting
It isn’t about you :
When kids act out, parents tend to take this behaviour as a personal attack on them. This is not the case as the kids are just kids and they act in such a way because they don’t know how to handle situations and they may be undergoing a problem themselves. Parents should try to understand their children, help them, and minus themselves for the equation.
Don’t be a dictator, be a guide instead
If the parents keep imposing their rules and controlling their actions, tween will never grow on themselves and decide for themselves. Kids should be allowed to grow on their own within boundaries set by their parents. And, of course, parents should always be there to guide them to the right path.
Focusing on the tween’s needs
No one enjoys being yelled at and threatened by someone bigger and more powerful than them. Parents should try to look through their child’s perspectives to solve their issues and try a calmer approach when talking to the kids. All a child needs is some comfort, compassion, and empathy.
Parents should avoid talking to their kids when angry and should instead walk away. Once calmed down then approach the kids as this allows the parents to understand the kids much better. Being upset and acting irrational complicate the situation more.
Step back if you still haven’t lost your cool
Once you realise that your anger is whelming inside you then walk away and take a deep breath. Give yourself compassion for this frustration and remind yourself that it is completely ok to feel this way. Once you have overcome your anger try seeing that your child may be suffering the same way.
Committing to being mindful with them
One can do that by charging a dollar every time the parent gets angry. With this money, tweens can get treats, and in this way kids cheer up and parents can reflect on their actions.
Know that you will mess up
Parents should learn from their difficulties and reflect upon where they went wrong instead of feeling bad. See this as a good step towards being more mindful and compassionate as a parent. This will help the parent to handle the future situation calmly instead of doing it angrily.
Parents have an ideal image for their kids and if the kids fail to complete this image it makes the parents frustrated and angry. Parents should realize that just like the kids are also not perfect. They too can have faults and make mistakes. Parents should help guide them and sort things out with hugs and compliments instead of yelling and punishing them severely.Hope you learn the art of Zen parenting.
I’m participating in #BlogchatterA2Z
Do read my previous article in these series of : “Parenting TweenS”