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Tweens are at that stage of life when they are trying to gain their freedom and to avail this freedom they may lie. To get what they desire they might start to deceive their parents and this can be very alarming.If your child doesn’t complete his work, he solves that problem by lying and telling you he did. They often lie to avoid consequences rather than face them. Parents can catch these lies and prevent anything from happening. Below are some points that can help parents to detect their lying kids.
How to check lying in tweens
A very cliché technique to find a liar is that they do not make eye contact. Parents can notice this as their kids look the other way when responding.
Do notice their micro expression. Often when kids are questioned, their face is rushed with a sudden flash of guilt or fear. Their cheeks may turn red and will have a very worried look. This is very much visible to the parents.
Check for the voice tone. if they are lying then their voices become very shrill and high. This high pitch is very classic behaviour of the tweens.
Why do tweens lie ?
I don’t believe lying in tweens is a moral issue. Therefore, parents need to check the reasons behind lying.
Kids Lie To Avoid Trouble
Mostly they lie when they dont have any other way of dealing with a problem or conflict.Let say they broke a rule or didn’t do something they were supposed to do so they lie to avoid the consequences.
Tweens Lie to show their individuality
Let’s say you don’t allow your have a 12–year–old to wear makeup, but all her friends are wearing it. So she lie to you and wears it outside the house. So lying has become a way for her to have you believe she’s following your rules and still do typical tween activities.
Tweens Lie To Get Attention
Kids sometimes lie to impress their peers, perhaps in response to peer pressure. This is normal as we adults also do this in one way or another.
How to address Lying in tweens
The first thing that should be figured out is what was a need for the tween to lie instead of telling the truth.
To get to the truth the kid must be calmed down and not just that the parents should also be calm when approaching the child. Parents should use their parenting skills as they start their conversations with their children. The conversation should be calm and healthy. Once that level has been completed the kid will automatically open up about their problems and the walls of the false will fall.
Dont scold them
Kids can lie for many reasons. It can be a mistake they made or it can be influenced by someone else like a friend or any relative. Once the kid has opened up about their lies and expressed their problems, the parents should use their problem-solving skills to fix them instead of scolding them. Scolding them will make them reconsider opening up their lies.
Also, the parents should warn their kids of any toxic friends or relatives who may be influencing their lying behaviour. Such people should be completely avoided.
Strengthening of relationship
Parents should establish an honest relationship where it becomes easy for tweens to share their problems instead of coating them with lies. This can be done by having friendly conversations that make the tweens comfortable in the presence of their parents.
Parents should stay calm regardless of how frustrating it is to see tweens lie. Kids lie not just to avail freedom but also to be due to mental health problems like anxiety and depression.Parents should attend to all such problems and needs.
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Do read my previous article in these series of : “Parenting TweenS”